Everything is Hard Right Now

I’ve been away for a bit. The anti-trans, anti-gay, anti-abortion, anti-book, anti-education, anti-voting bills sweeping the nation are killing me and my hope for the future. I thought we were progressing to a better future slowly over time, but these bigots have been out there all along – waiting on the sidelines to seize power again.

I have to remind myself that these people are NOT the majority. We aren’t completely losing ALL progress. I just don’t know that for sure, though, I guess. This shouldn’t be happening otherwise.

When my state had a hearing on one of the bills, I went in front of my state legislature and testified against the anti-trans youth bill here in my state. They looked at me, listened to my family’s story, listened to my tears, and progressed the bill to the next level anyway. These people are awful. I couldn’t bear showing up for the others – and I couldn’t take all of the time off work to do so. I regret it a bit, wishing I could have been there for all of them. I’m exhausted just even working out being there for one, though, and having them not even listen.

It’s baffling how the people pushing for these bills say they want “less government interference” in their lives, they want “freedom” and all that, etc. However, they are pushing their beliefs and personal views/agendas into further government interference/overreach. Their playbook is to rally on freedom and less government when it is convenient for them, but then turning around and wielding that same government power as a weapon.

I was finding comfort in the fact that these bills have a history of being shut down in court, but that has faded once I realized what the goal is here. With the Supreme Court full of the judges it is – the ones that overturned Roe, they are gearing up to have them overturn further settled law/rights. If this isn’t stopped, we are headed back to the 1930s or earlier. I don’t know what to do exactly, but I do know that I won’t shut up about it. I won’t back down.

When I was a child, I remember reading about the Holocaust (I’m not sure why, I was obsessed with the history of it) and imaging what I would have done to save all of those people if I could. Wondering why the people didn’t see the signs along the way. I remember reading/learning about the Civil Rights movement, Martin Luther King, Rosa Parks, etc – wondering how people treated them the way that they did and being so thankful that was over. Imagining having to stand up for people in that time and how it would have gotten me killed in some cases. Now here we are – I may be the person I wondered what it would be like to be. I may have to make those choices when I’m in public. I may have to fight for others and my daughter, etc. I may be at risk of being killed for protecting her or others. I may be at risk of being killed for speaking up and doing the right thing. I could be put in prison for taking my daughter to the prison or if I wore something that someone considered to be “man’s clothes” and to put it briefly – I’m terrified.

Sitting here watching the world happen around me, writing letters, going to the capitol with hopes that someone will listen – it all feels like just being tied up and not being able to do anything as the world collapses around me.

I know that awful things are happening in other countries as well – and this only adds to it. For any global readers, I feel for you and the struggles you face in your location as well. I know there is more to the world and its problems than what is happening in America. This is my life and my home, though, and it’s crumbling around me – so I am very upset. Adding into that the thought of the global atrocities happening to everyone is even more awful on top of that. When I think of all the things happening around the globe – things I do know about, and all the additional awful things that I don’t even know about, I crumble. The world deserves better. Every person on every continent, in every country.

I wish we could understand that the earth is our home, and everyone on it is our neighbor and our family. We need to come together and be ONE people. Accepting of all of our differences. Every person has a right to their religion, their beliefs, their love. We need to not hurt one another. We need to not ban one another. We need to work together and DO BETTER.

If you’re reading this, thank you for taking the time. Can you do me a favor? A favor for the world?

Please find some things from this list and do them. As few or as many as you can manage. It’s our job to fix this world.

  • Do something kind for someone you don’t know
  • Try to meet someone different than you, and listen to understand them better
  • The next time you go to judge someone’s life, think about what it would be like to feel the way they do
  • Write a “Thank You” letter to a leader that is fighting for people’s rights
  • Read a book about a genocide or civil rights movement
  • Watch a documentary or movie about a genocide or civil rights movement
  • Make a donation to an organization that is working for the advancement or protection of people’s rights
  • Read a book that helps you understand a religion you don’t know much about
  • If you reference data or a study, check to see if there is more information from multiple data points or studies or if this is a lone source proving this point
  • Check your sources for biases (Sites like this can help: https://mediabiasfactcheck.com )
  • Check what bills/laws/policies are being proposed in your area and speak out in support of good ones, and against bad ones
  • Read more books in general – they help with empathy and understanding other points of view
  • When you spend money, see where the company you are spending with puts their money (donations to good or bad causes, etc)

Five Uplifting Songs That You Need In Your Playlist

It’s been a rough year or five, so we all need a little something to get us moving again. Something to remind us that we have some motivation to not only get through the next day but through the next few days, weeks, years. You can do this, but sometimes you just need that reminder.

Here are some songs that you should add to your playlist today to help get your head in the right space:

“Brighter Tomorrow” – Soul Swingers

Life hurts today, but there’s always a chance of a brighter tomorrow. If you want to get down while shopping, put some pep in your step for an afternoon walk, vibe while cleaning, or just get some help through the tears you’re wiping off your face – check this one out.

“I Will Go On” – National Park Radio

One time I saw them at my first ever “house concert” that was in a friend of a friend’s big house. It was incredible. I highly recommend – and also recommend booking them for a house or park concert near you. Great live show.

“Glad I Tried” – Matt and Kim

This song just makes me want to do shit and keep going. Check it out.

“This Is Me” – Keala Settle

If you haven’t seen Greatest Showman, I do highly recommend it but you certainly don’t need it as a prerequisite to enjoy this song. If you’ve ever felt like the world was trying to shut you out in one way or another, you’ll identify with this song. I feel like this should be on everyone’s playlist in 2023 because we’re going through it for sure.

“Roar” – Katy Perry

I don’t care if you’re a big footballer or wrestler, a small child, a lawyer in your office, an activist on your way to the courthouse, someone serving up some tasty fries, or what – you’re gonna “Roar” with me and power through that day. You are AWESOME!

Cover Photo from: https://fineartamerica.com/featured/uplifting-karen-scovill.html

Random Thoughts About 16

My oldest daughter is about to turn sixteen next month. I’m both excited and terrified.

The other day, I was sharing with her about getting my first job at sixteen. She is interested in getting one as well. Mine was at Fazoli’s making a whopping $1 over the minimum wage, totaling out at a high dollar amount of $6.25 per hour – ha! That was so impressive and exciting for me then. My own independence, gas in the tank, money to blow. Though, working in the food industry (which she wants to do) is rough. I don’t quite think she realizes that yet.

I shared with her some of the food service norms – the variety of people you’ll work with, the variety of pleasant and very unpleasant customers, the standing, the cleaning. The creeps.

There are creeps everywhere but when teens get their first job, I think folks prey on them and I’m scared of that. I hope wherever she works has good, helpful adults and a large peer group of kids her age to work with. Not the guy I worked with at Fazoli’s that was the same age as my father, and used to take the trash out with me to share cigarettes and flirt. Not the manager I quit over because she was trying to force me to date a boy that worked there – and then she ended up pregnant years later by another teen boy that worked for her (her husband was NOT happy).

I walked out of that job one day. Oh, the thrill and freedom of that moment! Being a teenager is such a wild ride in so many ways that I do not miss, but that feeling of absolute freedom in those moments is a thing I do miss.

Anyway, I’m worried about my baby growing up. I don’t want her to go out into the scary world without me, but I know it’s inevitable. I just hope she is safe and happy, no matter how far from me she is.

Winter Solstice and Stuff

So, I’ve been thinking about Christmas. I’m not religious in the slightest, but my best friend is. I’ll talk about my feelings on “best friends” later – reminder for myself. No matter your views or thoughts on Winter Holidays (yes- there is more than just “Christmas”), I think the true “meaning of the season” is lost. When the holidays are upon me, I want to step back and appreciate what I have in my life. The relationships, the tangible aspects, the year that has passed, all the years that have passed…

Obligatory gift-giving is starting to become tedious and off-putting. I don’t want a gift from someone because it is a day of the year. I still want to celebrate, sure – but can we cut the second mortgage and left leg? How about if I see something that I think you just need or absolutely reminds me of you, I’ll grab it. If I don’t see anything that does such, I can make you a thoughtful little note or card. Spending time together, sharing recipes and memories, making new memories, reflecting, and keeping one another warm. That’s what I want out of the winter holidays. Joy, warmth, food, happiness, and memories.

How do we re-write the script on these traditions? I guess, let’s reflect on a few traditions with different origins to start. Of course, I won’t get every origin of winter holidays in the slightest. I’ll just be brushing upon the surface of some interesting ones for funsies.

  • Pagan:
    • Yule:
      • Celebration of longer and brighter days ahead
      • Masculine tradition was to bring a “yule log” home to burn while the feminine tradition was to decorate the home with various evergreens and candles to welcome light in
      • Feast of Juul: A yule (“juul”) log was ceremoniously burned to honor Thor and encourage/honor warmth, light, and life.
    • Saturnalia:
      • Ritualistically offering gifts to the gods during winter sowing season (farmers)
      • Honoring Saturn, the god of agriculture and time
      • Decor such as wreaths, evergreens, and togas
      • Music, dancing, gambling, feasting, exchanging gifts in honor of the return of light after the solstice.
      • Known for being a large, loud, “best of times” celebration
  • Dongzhi Festival:
    • A Chinese Festival celebrating the arrival of the winter solstice
    • Representative of yin and yang (positive and negative)
    • Families gather to celebrate positivity in longer daylight hours– often while feasting.
    • Dumplings are a staple in feasts to represent an ancient legend revolving around feeding the homeless to help them stay warm. (A traditional symbol being an ear – representative of an ear prevented from frostbite)
  • Ursul:
    • Romanian celebration
    • Dancing in bear costumes and celebrating at New Year to drive evil spirits away, as well as encouraging nutrient-rich soil for the coming year
    • Joyful celebration in anticipation of the coming year
  • Native American:
    • Various Indigenous folks of the Americas celebrated (or do celebrate) the winter solstice with warmth and story-telling. It is a traditional way to entertain and teach children/pass wisdom along in the cold, windy, winter months when one was better off inside than out.
    • The story-telling of certain animals was often done in the winter when these animals were hibernating, so they wouldn’t hear themselves being spoken of.
    • The holiday is meant for family and the sharing of knowledge

I left Christianity out of the mix, because (based on every historical piece I’ve ever read on it) it’s just an amalgamation of various holidays celebrated prior to its existence. Don’t come at me, America – It’s not a war against Christmas. I enjoy the holiday, I just don’t think anyone is true to its roots anymore. It’s a commercial holiday for MASS profit.

I think before next year, I need to come up with a better plan to start getting back to the root of its existence. Don’t worry, the kids will still get some presents.


(Yeah, this was the most half-assed “research” ever but you get the idea. I know I left a ton of shit out. It was just for fun. I’m tired of “Walmart, Target, and Amazon Christmas”)


I guess I’m not necessarily fleeing my mom (or my wonderful grandma) but I am looking for a little independence, a place to express myself, and perhaps a bit more anonymity in my sharing.

When creating a blog, apparently, one must ask, “What do I write about?” I’m still asking myself that but I decided to start with a topic that I live and breathe each day – being a parent.

I’m a mother of two wonderful, beautiful daughters. Since this is “anonymous” to a degree and I don’t have to worry about outing anybody in this way – I’ll share that my oldest daughter is a trans teen. So as you can imagine, life has been tricky lately. The world isn’t kind to everyone and, unfortunately, trans youth are the getting dealt a pretty shit hand in the media/politics at the moment. Our family worries everyday – though I can get into that more in the future.

I’m sure along this blog-starting adventure, you’ll watch me navigate my thoughts and I’ll be all over the place for a bit. I would love to exercise my writing here and grow in this space.

It should be a fun new start. If it was a perfect world, I’d gain a few followers and few nice comments along the way. In reality, I’ll probably get some troll comments if anything at all. Whatever happens, I’m going to give it a shot.

Future posts to come regarding:

-LGBTQ+ Rights

-LGBTQ+ Parents / Parenting

-Peaceful Parenting

-Parenting Mishaps

-Trans Youth

-Thoughts / Expression of a Parent

-Family Drama

-Growth and Learning


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